Fuckit I’m taking a shit ton of pills right now.
Why the fuck not?
I miss the high, the rush, the calm.

Who the fuck cares anyway.

Nobody. And I honestly believe that.
If she cared, she wouldn’t have hung up right?
When I needed her to listen and to care..

Beep..

You think I don’t really love you.
You couldn’t be more wrong.
I live for you, and I’m the only one who cares you’re hurting.
You managed to love me at my very worst.
I didn’t think I could possibly love you any more than I did, but now I do.
So let me help you.
They all treat you like shit.
They don’t respect you.
All THEY want is sex.
So why do you make double the effort to please them?

I know why. Because you know they will leave.
Why make people who just use you happy?
They got mad, because you were at a movie with your boyfriend, and expected you to rush home to meet them.

If you wanted to leave you could have told me.

I’ve been paying attention for a while.
You’re getting sick.
Not bodily sick,
Emotionally sick.

It’s their fault.

Their expectations are running you ragged, and his guilt trips are driving you crazy.
Do any of them care?

No.

No they don’t.

But I see it happening right in front of my own eyes.

I know that no matter how hard I try, I can’t help.
They are killing you.
Yet you continue to sacrifice your happiness for their hope.
You torture yourself for others.

I did too.
But you taught me not to.

You always say you “don’t give a fuck.”
But if you didn’t, why would you please them?

Baby, let me help you take your own advice.

Don’t let them hurt you anymore.
Do what you told me to do, and relax. Look at your life from outside your body.
What matters? What ACTUALLY MATTERS?

And what hurts you?

Don’t you want vengeance?

Look at how you feel right now love, don’t tell yourself it’s your fault.
It’s not.
It never was.

And yet, you still think that I only keep you around as a toy.
You really are a silly woman. You know I love you with my whole heart.
I adore you.
I cherish you, what we have, and what is yet to come with our future.

I won’t let you down.

And I’ll help you through this, like I promised, long long ago.

Boo, you’re the one for me. Nobody can change that.

Sorry for this rant tumblr.

Babe, if you end up reading this, I love you with my WHOLE heart. That’s alot!
And I would travel the world to find you.
I still wonder how I got this lucky.
Stay strong.
And trust that you can remove being scared of losing me from your mind. You don’t need to worry.
I won’t leave.

There’s nothing you can do to break what we have.
We can make it through ANYTHING. 
This I know for sure.

You’re amazing babe.

I love you.


Ps. Ugh I ranted again.
 

Have you told someone, “FUCK YOU!” today? :)

Well, to anyone who actually reads my blog and cares, things are turning out better than expected. As far as my job goes, I’m going to try to get a new one, I have the world at my fingertips. Everything is great with me and alyssa, we had a nice chat today in the shade and worked things out. I don’t feel feverish anymore, which is some sort of miricle considering I’ve been sick for 3 weeks, and I had a nice conversation with my mom tonight. That’s good. :) its amazing how your whole perspective on life can change in just a few hours, just by spending quality time with a certain someone. :) I want to tell anyone who reads this, to me, you’re not just another follower. You’re a person. If you need someone, I’m here for you, no matter who you are.

I need sleep.

Goodnight everyone :) much love to all